Birthday Present
By Trish

I didn't tell him. I had a million chances, but not once did I tell him. He told me all the time. I would roll my eyes, or walk away, but secretly I wanted to say it. Say those three words that mean the most in the world. And now he's gone and I'll never be able to tell him how much I loved him.
Months have gone by and my friends have forgotten. They thought it was a mistake. They didn't see the look in my eyes that I know was there. I know because I felt it. That day when the fire burned between our hands, I said it, but he didn't hear me. The words were so warm in my heart, but he dismissed them. He died, and I told him, but it didn't feel like he knew.  I miss him so much, so much that I can hardly move. Hardly walk without
dying. I told him he was nothing to me, I yelled, I hit him, and I hurt him. And he never knew how much I cared. How he made me feel, like I was important in more ways than fighting. I'm chosen, and I fight. I lose friends and loved ones, and I still fight. But he made me feel like I was
the only girl in the world. And now he's gone, and I can't breathe.

That's what Buffy thought every night since the end of Sunnydale. She would lie in her bed and cry. Her friends heard her, and they cared so much. But she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything. Not since he left. She had dreams every night that he was back. That she was in his arms and everything was okay. The mornings were the worst. When she woke up and he wasn't beside her, and she had to go through the day and be happy and walk, and talk, and be there, those were the hardest.

"Another day" Buffy thought to herself as she woke up.

She got up and took a shower, trying to let the hot water wash away the pain. It never really worked, but she wished every day that it would. That
she would get out of the shower and feel like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, but the weight just got heavier.
Downstairs Willow and Dawn were eating breakfast, chatting up a storm about anything and everything. But when Buffy walked in, it got a little quiet, not like it was awkward, just solemn.

"Buffy, Dawn and I were talking about tonight. What do you want to do?"

"I just want to stay in, guys. Please, I'm not feeling up to a big night."

"C'mon Buffy, it's your birthday, it only rolls around once a year, and you only turn 24 once."

Dawn knew how much Buffy was upset about Spike and everything, but it had been months! And all she did was sit around and mope. Dawn loved Spike too, but Buffy couldn't let it go. All she needed was a night of fun, but how could she have that if she stayed cooped up all the time?

"Dawn, I just want to stay home. Please don't do anything for me. You guys go out, I just want to be alone."

"Is that what you really want Buffy?" Willow said, concern in her voice.

"Yeah, it is, Will. Really, you two go out, have fun, I'd love the house to myself." Buffy had gotten really good at convincing people she was okay.
After Will resurrecting her and her mom dying, she was a pro at making people believe what she wanted them to.

"Buffy, it's your birthday! You don't really think we'll leave you here by yourself, do you? Look. It's almost seven; the Bronze is just getting fun.
Let's go, and we can get your mind off of..." As soon as she said it, Dawn realized her mistake. Nobody in this house dared to say Spike's name.

"It's okay, Dawny." Buffy said while stroking her hair. "I'm okay now. You can say his name without me melting into puddle-Buffy."

Buffy really wished it wasn't her birthday. Besides the fact that they always ended badly, she just hated everyone thinking that they had to be
around her all the time. Finally, Dawn and Willow agreed to leave her at the house, but only for a little while. They were going to open presents tonight and they'd be back around nine. Buffy went into the kitchen, grabbed a bag of potato chips and sat on her couch. She picked up the remote and channel-surfed for a little while until she was content with "Golden Girls." She moved around a little until she settled into a comfortable place on the couch.

"Happy Birthday to me." She said to herself and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Before she knew it, it was nine o'clock and Will and Dawn were home. They had picked up Xander at the Bronze and they all had armfuls of gifts for her.

"Hey! How's my favorite birthday slayer?" said Xander with much enthusiasm.

"Hey Xander."

Buffy couldn't deny that it was good to see Xander. Neither him nor Giles had been around for a while. Giles was busy with all the new slayers coming in from everywhere, and Xander just didn't stay around much. She thought that it was because he never liked Spike in the first place, and felt guilty around her, knowing how much it was killing her for Spike not to be here anymore.

"It's good to see you again, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Buffy. Now c'mon, open your presents."

So one by one, Buffy opened each present. They were okay, even special. Nice clothes, and nick-knacks. She put on her best smile and tried to look as happy as she could. But the one gift she wanted more than anything, she knew she wasn't going to get. All she wanted was one more minute with Spike. One night of him holding her. There was so much she wanted from him. Love, mostly. She wanted to love him. She wanted to touch him, and she wanted him to touch her. Even if it was only for a night.

Later that night, after everyone went to sleep, Buffy went walking. Not to slay anything; they weren't on a hellmouth anymore. So she just went for a
walk, down normal streets, with normal people closing shops, and normal people walking home. No creepy back alleys, and no eerie graveyards in the middle of the town. And the schools were great for Dawn: only the average wackos there. Everyone was alive and well. She couldn't say that she didn't like it here. The opposite, really. She liked not having to fight every night, and not having to worry about her friends and family all the time,
but she was getting bored. There was nothing to keep her busy here. At least in Sunnydale she could fight out her problems, but now she had to get rid of them like she was...normal. "I miss Spike." She thought to herself. She missed everything about him. She missed how he looked at her, how he was always by her side, even when her friends were against her. He was the only person in the world that she felt safe to be around. She knew that he would protect her until the end of the world. Heck, he HAD protected her until the end of the world. Twice.

She sat down on a bench near a little ice cream shop. She just wanted tosit, to be away from everyone. Just as she had sat down, she heard someone walking toward her. She really hoped that it wasn't Willow, or Dawn, or even Xander. She just wanted to be alone. She turned around and expected to see concerned faces, but what she saw took her breath away.

"Spike?" she said. No hope in her voice, she was tired, and new it couldn't be him. He was dead.

"He just stood there, not saying a word, looking into her eyes."

"No." she said. "Change. Change to someone else!! Don't look like him!" Tears sprang up into her eyes. The First was back. She knew it. "Please,
just don't look like him. Anyone but him."

Still, he just stood there. He walked over to her. They were so close now. She could reach out and touch him. Buffy started to sob. She hated The
First. Kick a girl when she's down. Turn into the one man in the entire world who she missed the most. She just wanted to die.

His hand reached up and wiped a tear off her face. "It's alright, love. It's me."

Buffy looked up into Spike eyes with the tenderest expression on her face. But she still didn't really believe it was him.

"I'm dreaming." She said. "It's not you, you're dead. You left me alone. It's not you." She was crying now, unable to stop.

Spike put his arm around her shoulder and used the other to pick her up. Now she was in his arms. She was in his arms! She wanted this more than
anything. Spike looked deep into Buffy's eyes and kissed her. All the stress and tension in her life melted away when his lips pressed against hers. When his body wrapped around hers. It was like a fairytale. Her prince charming whisked her off her feet and carried her away to perfect happiness.  Spike didn't let her feet touch the ground for another 20 minutes while they were walking. Buffy's head was rested against his shoulder and her eyes were closed. She didn't know where they were going and she didn't care. She was with him. She just wanted to melt into his body and never be away from him again. There were so many questions. How he got back, when he got back, what this all meant. But she didn't ask. She didn't want to know right now. Before long, Spike stopped. She opened her eyes to see where they were. They were in front of her house. Her house? But how did he know where she...? It didn't matter. She just wanted to be with him. He opened the door and carried her through the living room where her friends were.

"Buffy? Spike?" they said, but were quickly quiet as they saw the look in her eyes as he carried her up the stairs.

He laid her down on the bed and rested her head on a pillow as he lie next to her. She looked at him still, for a much longer time before tears came to her eyes again.

"Don't cry, pet. I hate to see you cry." She gave a slight grin as he stroked her arm.

"Always could get a smile from you." Spike said with a small smirk on his face too. He missed Buffy so much, and being with her now was the greatest thing that could ever have happened to him. He wanted to tell her how he got back and how the amulet had protected him. But it was too much right now. He just wanted to love her again.  She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to be kissing him. She grabbed at his shirt and pulled him toward her. And they kissed again, with all the fire and passion that was present before he went away, but with so much need and desire that it overwhelmed both of them. Neither could pull away, not that they tried. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him as close as
they could get. He responded by wrapping his own hands around her waist and pulled her even closer. God himself couldn't have pulled them away from each other. She pulled both of them up just long enough to get his shirt off. She ran her fingers over the muscles on his chest. She couldn't believe how much she had missed them! She lowered her head and kissed every inch of his stomach she could find, loving how he felt. Spike pulled her up to his lips again. They fell back onto the bed and grabbed at each other. He reached behind her and moved his hand up her shirt and ran his palm over her back. He loved how she felt against him. Slowly, he pulled her shirt off and marveled at her body. They consumed each other the rest of the night with all the passion that had been absent for those painful months that they were apart.

Spike and Buffy woke up the next morning, relaxed and calm. As if all of the hurt had been burned away the night before. She was lying on his bare chest stroking his stomach and a small smile came to her face.

"What happens now?" she said, with calm in her voice.

"I don't know." Spike said.

"I don't care." Buffy said. "Just stay with me. Don't ever leave me again."

Spike looked deep into her eyes and said, "I'll never leave you again. I promise. Happy Birthday, Buffy."

She smiled. She felt, for the first time in months, that she was at peace. That nothing could ever go wrong again as long as she was with him. This was the best gift she could have ever gotten.


~Fin