‘Choices’
By Isobel

Rating: Due to some swearing, PG-13.
Pairing: Buffy/Spike
Spoilers: As it is purely my imagination the only possible spoilers are that Buffy and Spike become a couple. If you didn’t know that, where have you been!?
Timeline: Happens during season six.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon and the
other writers of ‘BTVS’ and ‘Angel’ and their affiliated companies. I make
no profit from writing about these characters.
Feedback: I’d appreciate a request before you post my fanfiction elsewhere.
Thank-you.
Thank yous: To Joss who gave Spike and Buffy character, heart and soul and to
James and Sarah who gave them form and splendour.
Notes: *Dedicated to all my darlings at Obsessedwithbuffy especially Mike who
was always loving Buffy/Spike.*

* * * * *

Spike couldn’t sleep. He’d tried everything, from counting sleep, to getting really drunk, to banging his head repeating on a stone wall in hope to knock himself unconscious. Nothing worked, his mind was too restless, too busy. He kept having dreams, strange dreams which didn’t make any sense to him. He kept dreaming of a girl from his past. Julia, she was called. He’d sired her when he was touring through London with Drusilla, after Angel had gone all fluffy-bunny-like and Darla had gone off in a huff about her lost love. He’d met Julia in a pub late one November night, Drusilla had gone off hunting some toddlers and he had been bored to the bone. She had caught his eye, she was irresistible. She was young, fresh out of school and high on life itself. She had long, luscious chocolate-coloured curls that tumbled over her shoulders, her eyes were grey and deadly cold. Her mouth was blood red and shaped like a rosebud. He longed to grab her, kiss her, make love with her. Instead he just sat there watching her flirt wildly with all the drunken louts in the pub. She left an hour before sunset and Spike followed her, obsession growing upon him. Through twisted, shadowed streets, he stalked her until he took his moment and jumped. Instead of being weak like all the other young girls, she fought him. She was strong. Just as strong as him. It was just after she threw him through a shop window when he realised she must be the slayer.

For thirty passionate minutes they fought, throwing punches, dodging kicks until he had her by her throat. She struggled but he overpowered her. Bit in and drank deep. She dropped to the ground, nearing death, and he lay down next to her to finish the job. Something stopped him though. Was it her beauty or her helplessness that made him drag one polished nail across his chest and bring her up to drink from him? What made him take this girl from death to eternal life as a vampire? Why did he sire her? He’d never worked out the answer. When she awoke for the first time, he had already gone. He didn’t know what happened to her after that, he went home to Drusilla, convinced her to move on and leave London behind. He didn’t want Dru to find out about this other girl. He knew she’d be suspicious, was he not satisfied with her? Hypocritical old cow, she was all over Angel like a rash when he was evil. Still Spike was ashamed that he sired Julia. So he ran away from her and left her to live for eternity alone. That had been one hundred years ago, why was she haunting him in his dreams now?

* * * * *

Spike flashed his ID in the face of the doorman. He entered the Bronze, letting the heavy rock music flow over him. His eyes scanned the building and a smile crept across his face as he saw Buffy sitting there, grinning and waving at him. He strolled over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. He turned to give half-smiles at the rest of the Scoobies.Ever since his relationship with Buffy had become public knowledge, it had been easier. For him. Buffy had found it harder. Her friends couldn’t believe their ears. Ever-reliable Willow had been all supportive and was fine with whatever Buffy wanted to do, as was her girlfriend Tara. Anya’s, Xander’s fiancée had looked gobsmacked but didn’t say anything. Giles was still in England and no one wanted to be the one to break the news, so he remained oblivious. Xander, when he heard, had gone all hysterical in a laughing fit until Buffy punched him lightly in the stomach (Lightly according to her, it had winded Xander) Dawn took it the hardest, she’d run off in tears. Apparently she had a little crush on Spike ever since they’re hung out at his crypt that first time.
" Hey baby," Spike said, sitting down next to Buffy and slinging one arm around her. " What’s up?"
" We’re discussing the dance tactics of Little Miss Saucy over there," Buffy said, gesturing one hand towards the dance floor of the Bronze. In the centre, dancing like there was no tomorrow was a skimpy-dressed girl. She was circling her dance partner with such passion and vigour, she was making Spike dizzy. Her hands had taken a life of their own, writhing like snakes over her partner’s body. It was enough to make a bloodless vampire blush.
" All us girls think that sort of dirty dancing should be saved for the bedroom, but Xander," Willow said, smiling, " Doesn’t see anything wrong with
public displays of affection. Better out than in, were his exact words,"
" Wonder why," Spike grinned at the flushed Xander, who was avoiding angry glares from Anya. He did have a point, Spike thought the girl’s sexy dance was much more enjoyable when shared with the public. He must have been drooling because Buffy gave him an elbow in the gut. He straightened up and took his reluctant eyes from the girl and her enormous cleavage which was in danger of toppling out of her tight, red PVC dress. He heard Buffy snap at him,
" You’ve got a little bit of drool on your shoe, there Spike," Her eyes were blazing and he smiled at her obvious jealously. Then she relented, smiled back, and asked "You wanna dance? On the other side of the floor from that girl?"
He gave a nod and felt himself dragged towards the front stage. Buffy buried herself into his shoulder and automatically he drew her to him.
" Watch it!" Someone shouted as Spike barged into them. He didn’t care, he was undergoing an act of careful manoeuvring so Buffy was facing away from the girl and Spike could ogle her all he wanted. There was something about her, something irresistible. Finally, through shuffling and shifting, he was near enough to see her clearly. She was amazing. So stunning. So beautiful. So familiar.
" BLOODY HELL" Spike shouted, feeling Buffy jump in shock. Everyone was looking at him, Buffy with worry and the girl with a look of confusion, trying to recognise him. Spike didn’t wait around for her to remember, he ran Out of the Bronze, down the road, all the way to his crypt. Away from her. Julia. The secret from his past. The one he hadn’t been able to forget.

* * * * *

" I don’t get him sometimes," Buffy whined in frustration. Willow shrugged helplessly. She didn’t get Spike either but it didn’t matter. Buffy was the
one who had the whopping big crush on him. Willow was wearing a really bright, neon green top that was painful to look at, and dingy green trousers. Buffy looked beautiful in a tight, baby pink strap top and jeans. Her hair
was clipped off her face and she looked as young as she did when she first came to Sunnydale.
" He was all good, dancing with me, when he just shouts out. Looks horrified. Runs off. I went after him, of course, but he had his crypt locked ten times over. He must have put something really heavy in front of it. I couldn’t be bothered to break it down," Buffy said, frowning.
" What happened, just before he started yelling?" Xander asked, sitting down next to the girls, a book in his lap. Willow read the cover.
" Nymphs of the under-world," She said, "Will you ever change?"
" Never," Xander grinned. He was dressed completely in navy and had a cut on his chin, which Buffy assumed was from shaving.
" Good," said Willow. "I like you how you are,"
There was a moment of corny smile-sharing between Willow and Xander. Then he looked at Buffy and asked his question again. She sighed.
" He knocked into someone. He looked around a bit. Then he flipped,"
" Did he look at anyone in particular? Anyone…scary?" Willow asked.
" He was probably staring at Little Miss Saucy, everyone was," Buffy said. Then she paused.
" You don’t think he found her scary?" She asked.
" That’s not how I’d describe her…," Xander smirked to himself.
" Not the time, Xan," Willow snapped.
" Sorry. Maybe he knows her. You pick up any vamp vibes?" Xander asked.
" I got plenty but I assume it was because I was dancing with one,"
" Oh. Yeah. Maybe she was human. Spike probably just wigged out. We’ve all done it. Sometimes you’re all frustrated and you have to get away….,"
" How unlikely is that? No. Spike knows this girl. She’s a vampire. He was startled to see her," Buffy concluded. " I’m going to find him,"
" Good luck," Willow added with a half-hearted smile.

* * * * *

" Hello Spike,"
A voice rang out, waking Spike in an instant from the shallow sleep he’d been in. His mind was taking its time registering the voice. If it was Buffy, he didn’t want to talk to her. But was it Buffy? Wouldn’t she be yelling at him about now?
" Julia," He said dreading the reply. 
" You remember me then?" It was her unmistakable voice. So English, so posh, so proper. Such a unique voice for a unique girl.
" Like it was only yesterday when we met," Spike smiled to himself. " How you been?" He knew she was annoyed with him by the way her dark eyes were drilling into him. Or maybe it was because he was butt naked and hadn’t made any effort to cover himself up. It was only Jules.
" Lonely," Julia said bluntly.
" Sorry about that," said Spike, not sounding it at all.
" You should be. You took off. A girl gets emotionally and physically burnt when she wakes up the morning day all alone. Not very nice of you, Spike. You had to go back to that psycho chick huh?" She said, harshly.
" What?" He was too tired to think properly.
" I heard you were with someone. Some loony called Drusilla. I’ve heard some tall tales, heard she’s the sort of person who should have been drowned at birth, right?" Julia was spiteful. Painful with her words. He realised then he’d missed her terribly over the years. Drusilla had always been so reversed in her outbursts.
" That’s my Dru," Spike chortled to himself.
"You’re not angry at me for saying that?" She sounded surprised.
"Bitch left me," Spike said. She might as well know.
" And let me guess? You were heartbroken. I know the feeling," Was that misery in her voice? Spike had heard it before in others but he didn’t think Julia had enough heart for that deep an emotion.
" Did I…did I break your heart?" He said worriedly.
" Don’t make me laugh, Spike, we’d only know each other two hours before you went, that’s not enough time to fall in love with someone," She said.
" It was for me," God why did he say that? Chump. Big stupid chump. He was never that honest with anyone. Never telling about how he felt. God….
" A moment of honesty. What a shocker," She declared.
" You don’t sound shocked?" He observed.
" You don’t sound surprised by that," She muttered.
" You were unpredictable. Never guessed you were a slayer,"
" Never guessed you’d save me from death,"
" Oh yeah that," Spike sighed, sitting up and covering himself with a sheet.
" That. The whole big siring thing," Julia stood up and began to circulate the room as Spike pulled on some leather trousers. Again she was making him dizzy.  His voice was filled with annoyance when he spat out,  "Stop it,"
" What?" She was still walking in circles but looking at him in surprise.
" Going in circles. It’s doing my head in,"
" You want me to stop. Make me,"
" Don’t tempt me,"
" Did I before? When I was all slayer-kicking-your-ass. Was that so tempting you had  to sire me?" Was she angry? He’d never thought for a minute that she might be angry at him for making her a vampire. Thinking about it, she was right to be.
" WHAT?" A loud, shrill and furious-sounding voice slashed the air. Spike looking towards the open door and saw an enraged-looking Buffy standing there.

* * * * *

" Hey Buff," Spike said, falling off his bed in surprise. He crawled his way onto the bed again, trying desperate to hid his embarrassment and regain some dignity.
" You sired her?" Buffy shouted, her voice shrill and enraged.
" Want a drink?" Spike said, making a pathetic attempt to change the subject.
    " SPIKE! TELL ME THE TRUTH" Was the only reply he could.
" Yeah, I did," He confessed. Buffy blinked away tears.
" And you never told me. I asked you if you did. You said no. You lied. Why?"
Julia looked from Spike to Buffy. " He was most probably ashamed,"
" You shut up before I stake you!"
Julia laughed, her voice like trickling water " Whoa! What did I do to you?"
" Why did you even come to Sunnydale?" Buffy retorted.
" Looking for Spike," Julia’s answer was painfully blunt.
" My boyfriend. That’s what you did to me. Never got over him,"
Buffy and Julia both rose, their eyes flashing with anger. They began to slowly walk towards each other, Julia’s fists clenched, Buffy’s stake raised. Julia spoke first, her voice so bitter and snarled, it was shocking.
" Look little girl, this is nothing to do with you so why don’t you just f…,"
" Jules. Please," Spike said, desperately, standing between them. " Lets just talk,"
" Fine," Both Buffy and Julia said in unison. Spike sighed with relief.

* * * * *

" I made Julia a vampire a very long time ago when Drusilla and I were in London. Angel had just got his soul back and Darla was off mourning. I was infatuated by Jules. Her beauty, her presence. I wanted her," Spike said, his eyes sliding towards Julia. She gave him a faint smile, while in turn, Buffy’s scowl darkened.
" I don’t know why she’s here and half of me doesn’t care. I am with you, Buffy. All I see is you. I don’t care about anyone else," He insisted.
Buffy looked at her hands and in a stone cold tone said, " Liar. I see the way you look at her. The way you used to look at me, before I fell for you in return. You just want the unattainable. The dream. You don’t want me!" She looked at him, a single tear was sliding down her face. She looked so pitiful.
" Jesus, girl, get some self-confidence, will you? Who would want a girl like you who thinks she’s totally repulsive!?" Julia asked. Buffy glared.
" WOULD YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH!?" Screamed Buffy. Julia chuckled to herself and ‘surrendered’, her hands by her jawbone. Spike smiled to himself.
" Spike, you nutcase, why do you always go for the lunatics?" Julia joked. Spike couldn’t resist chuckling. That was the last straw for Buffy - maybe she felt they were ganging up on her. Maybe she felt Spike had made a choice and she wasn’t it. Whatever she felt, she stormed out of his crypt, promising never to return. Her mouth uttered obscenities Spike didn’t think Buffy knew.
" Quite a mouth on her," Julia observed. Spike nodded, glum. He liked Buffy, a lot. Maybe he didn’t love her like he used to but she has still a very
pleasant girlfriend. Now he had nothing. He tried to focus on how to win her back, but he couldn’t concentrate. Julia was now lying on his bed, massaging the sheets with her hands. Spike couldn’t control himself - he darted over to her and threw himself on top of her. Their lips brushed once, twice, then met in a passionate kiss. They embraced, their bodies entwined. Julia began to unbutton his trousers as his hands slid her dress down over her ankles and began to caress her breasts. He knew he only wanted one thing in the world - to make hot, burning love to Julia.

* * * * *

" Morning gorgeous," Julia cooed at Spike as he opened one lazy eye. She had wrapped the bed sheet around her naked body and was currently straddling him. He looked down and realised he was completely naked. He felt embarrassed - which surprised him since he had just made love to her the night before. Why didn’t he want her to see him bare?
" Julia,"  He murmured.
" I’m impressed. Last time you and me got together, you took off. The fact that you stayed put the whole night? Wow! Good for you," She said sarcastically. She lent down against him, her tongue wriggled out of her mouth and into his ear. He smiled at the tickling sensation.
" Come with me," She whispered to him. He sat up abruptly and she awkwardly rolled off him. The sheet lay forgotten, their bodies uncovered. He looked at her and saw nothing but desire in her eyes.
" Come with me," She repeated. "Wherever I go. We can leave this place - it’s no good for vampires like us. We crave the kill,"
" You crave it. Julia, I should have told you earlier but I have a chip. It stop me from hurting humans," Spike couldn’t meet her eye, he felt guilty for not confessing to her sooner. She laughed loudly,
" I don’t care about that! You can stay at home while I kill the humans and you can just drink from their decomposing bodies,". Her reaction amazed him.
" How tempting does that sound!?" He said sarcastically, and she pouted, angry that he had rejected her. She climbed off the bed and began to hunt for her clothes. He sighed, he didn’t want to upset her but how would it work?As if she had read his mind, she said, "I’m not upset. If you want to live in this dead-end town, spending your days trying to get back with that irritating slayer, be my guest. I’ll be off living my life. Don’t worry about me. You’ve left me lonely for so long I can handle it by myself," With that, she tugged on her dress, pulled on her shoes, ran one hand through her messy hair and gave Spike a lingering glance.
" Once again, it’s your loss," She snapped as she climbed into the manhole in the centre of Spike’s crypt and jumped into the sewers. He had her clatter away on her high heels and gave a sigh. He didn’t want them to part on bad terms, not again. He ran to the manhole, opened it and shouted her name. If she heard him she didn’t answer. He sat back on his heels. "Shit!" He shouted. She had gone.

* * * * *

"Come on Buffy," Spike called as he paced the ground outside her house. For forty-minutes he had been calling her name. He knew she was in, she’d glared at him from her bedroom window at least twice.
" JUST GO AWAY SPIKE! I ALREADY TOLD YOU," Buffy shouted angrily from the interior of the house, "IT’S OVER. GO BACK TO YOUR WHORE!"
" I’m not going until you come out and talk to me," Spike said loudly but calmly. "And Julia’s not my whore. She’s not my anything. She’s gone Buffy, she wanted me to leave with her but I said "No,". You’re my girl, Buffy, I don’t want anyone else," The front door opened. Buffy stood there, mascara streaked down her face from all her crying. Dawn and Willow stood behind her, Dawn poker-faced and glaring angrily, Willow sporting a look of concern.
"Spike, listen to me. It’s over-" Buffy said firmly.
"But….," Spike interrupting, tears stinging his eyes. It couldn’t be over.
"No Spike! It’s over. I don’t want to be your girlfriend anymore. Who were we kidding? This isn’t a relationship. I don’t even like you that much anymore. We’ve drifted apart. I think the mature thing we can do is just let go,"
"No! No! This is crazy. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll do what you want, be who you want. Just don’t leave me!" Spike shouted. Buffy’s face crumpled with sympathy for him and with two strides, she was in his arms, kissing him. He noticed how her kisses weren’t as passionate as Julia’s, or with any feeling whatsoever. They just didn’t compare. 
"Oh Spike," Buffy cried. She drew back and gave him a smile. "If you really think this’ll work..,"
" I do! I believe it will! Buffy, I love you. I don’t want anyone but you, "Buffy gave him a huge smile. With that Dawn burst into tears and stormed upstairs. Willow followed after the crying teenager. Spike and Buffy melted into each other arms and Buffy began to stroke him back.
" God!" She exclaimed, jumping backwards. He stared at her, startled. She held up her fingers, they were wet with blood. His blood.
" Your back’s bleeding," She said, tearing off his shirt despite his protests. She spun him round and gasped. Ten, long fingernail marks were dug into his back. Julia had done it as they made love. At the time, it had turned Spike on. Now he wished he’d never met Julia.
" How? What? Huh?" She was confused. Then realisation dawned on her.
"Buffy," He didn’t know what to say. She looked enraged.
"She did them, didn’t she? YOU HAD SEX WITH HER DIDN’T YOU? Only ten minutes after I walked out on you, you’re in bed with another girl,"
" Buffy," He repeated, a tear trickling down his cheek. He’d never seen her look at him with such venom in her eyes. She hated him.
" You little shit!" Buffy screamed, throwing herself at him, cutting his cheek with her nails, pulling at his hand, beating him with her fists. He pushed her away but she flew at him over and over with the same determination to hurt him.
" Get off me, you crazy bitch!" He shouted, standing up. She lay on the ground, her heart shattered like glass, her eyes pouring with anguish tears.
" I guess this is goodbye," Spike said. He was going to walk away from this with dignity if it killed him. Buffy was right, they didn’t even like each other. It was all about the sex. Even that hadn’t been worth the aggravation. Julia was better.

* * *

Julia sat alone on the train. The ticket guard had just announced it would be delayed a few minutes. She wanted to leave crappy Sunnydale as soon as possible. Why had she come back? For him? She hadn’t told him but she’d missed him. She fell in love with him that first day, when she saw him in the pub. When she found out he was a vampire, her heart broke. She was taught to kill vampires and Julia was a good slayer. She always did as she was told. Vampire Julia took what she liked and didn’t care who she hurt. Still, the pain from being abounded was still with her. She felt immense jealousy for that loony Drusilla and that bitch Buffy. She wanted Spike for herself. It took all the courage she had to ask him to go away with her. She always travelled alone but right now, she was lonely. She wanted him. And he turned her down! He could be so brutal to her. So why did she still like him?
"Is this seat taken?" A voice slashed her thoughts. It was him!
" Spike! What are you doing here!?" She asked, amazed.
" What was I doing there? With a girlfriend who can’t stand me and no proper friends? You’re the best friend I’ve got, Jules. If the offer’s still open, I’d love to come away with you. I’m so sorry for being such a wanker,"
" It’s okay! Of course it is! I’m so happy you changed your mind! "The train guard shouted out in a loud voice, " Sunnydale Train To Depart!" Together they sat, their hands entwined. Spike glanced at Julia and saw her eyes were lit up like fireworks and there was a gigantic smile on her face. She looked more beautiful than she had ever looked. He knew for certain, he had made the right decision in following his heart.