"Pretzel-on-a-stick"
by Les

"Don't open that cabinet, Dawn!"

"Why not, Spike?"

"Because I said so!"

"That's the kind of answer you give to a kid and I'm not a kid anymore...especially considering what you and I have been through with the rest of the Scoobys."

"No offence, Little Bit. It's just that I do have a private life with many album leaves in it that lives in the recesses of my mind and in that cabinet."

"Do you want me to pull the TV in front of it to keep it hidden?"

"Nah...say, I didn't mean to snap at you.  You just touched a nerve, that's  all.  I moved away from that and yet I don't want to consign it to the rubbish bin, if you know what I mean.  Want to go shopping now? I'll escort  you."

"Yeah!  Let me get my handbag."

On a blustery Autumn day, Spike and his charge were bound for her favourite shopping mall.  Spike suggested it, knowing that clothes shopping was one of  Dawn's passions.  She was only too eager to go because she hadn't so indulged since Buffy's re-birth; and since things were put to rights, the time couldn't have been more propitious.

At the Summers house, Buffy was conferring with Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya.  They came at her invitation in order to find out what difficulties they've encountered as well as to hear about victories won in their many patrolling activities.  Now Buffy was ready to resume her status and her responsibility as The Slayer.  She, ever mindful and protective of her sister, suggested that Dawn visit Spike while the conference was taking place.  Buffy didn't want Dawn to be involved or even have any tangential knowledge of patrolling, let alone combat.  When Dawn asked her long ago when she could learn combat, Buffy's instant reply was "quarter to never!"  And so it was.

At Spike's lair, the front door was being jimmied open by a skeleton key.

"Oh, fratch and fudge with whipped cream on it!  Why doesn't this thing open?"

The figure of a blonde long-haired girl with a daisy in her hair, dressed in a hippie-era light print dress with period white Go-Go dancer boots turned and twisted the key impatiently in the lock.

"A chick can't even depend on anyone she's given her best to anymore.  I think I'll go back to the locksmith and turn him into a soprano!"

As Dawn entered Sunnydale Mall with Spike, she headed straight for her favourite dress shop.  Spike stood outside the entrance. He bought a leather jacket with large metal studs on it to match his black clothes and visited a food kiosk nearby to buy a pretzel-on-a-stick. He liked that mainly northern U.S.A. snack that consisted of a large, doughy pretzel served on a stick that came with pizza sauce or hot sauce for the asking, depending upon the taste of the customer.

Dawn tried on several dresses and skirt and blouse combinations.  She decided upon three outfits and wore one of them as she exited the shop.  Smiling and in great humour, she walked out of the shop wearing a schoolgirl uniform consisting of a white pleated shirt and dark blue skirt with black high spike-heeled shoes.  A beret' was rakishly placed on her head on a slant to the right.  Her arms were full of bundles.

"Let's go to the shoe shop and then the handbag shop!" she said eagerly and melodiously as Spike nodded his assent while eating his snack.  "You look sooo cool, Spike! I love your new jacket."

"Want one of these?" asked Spike, holding up the pretzel.

"No, thanks.  I'm dieting.  I want to keep my size 3!  Well, on second thought, I think I'd like one to take home!"

At Spike's lair, the psychotic girl with a time-warp fashion sense rifled through bookshelves and cabinets, having forced her way in through the still-opened front door.

"Oh, man, I wish my minions were here, you know?  Like, they'd help me break into everything much faster.  And then they could polish my boots and worship me and tell me how beautiful I am over and over again.  Too cool.  Where's the radio?  Oh, wow!  Don't tell me Spike doesn't have one!  It's almost time for the 'Rolling Stones Retro Hour!' Well, I'll just have to provide my own entertainment."

Harmony sings...or tires to sing...one of the "anthems" of the Flower Children Era.

"Are you going to San Francisco?
You're gonna find some gentle people there,
Wearing flowers in their hair..."  (The last phrase is not a part of the
song, but Harmony is oblivious to that.)

"I hope I don't break a nail or smudge my nail polish.  I like matching blue fingers and toes...they match my eyes when I'm wearing contacts.  Ahhhhh!!!!  Nyah ha ha! I've got you where I want you now, Spike Man!"

Harmony came upon an old photo album.  She rifled through its contents and tore out a marriage license, a photograph and an annulment.

"Spike will pay plenty for these!"  boasted Harmony as she stuck a stick of chewing gum into her mouth.

Dawn, smiling and arm-laden with bundles and her pretzel, made her way to the lair with Spike beside her, exchanging pleasantries and singing the seemingly never-ending song, "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" that somehow always gets interrupted before reaching the magic number 1.

"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled as he saw the front door to his lair wide open.  He motioned for Dawn to stay well back as he came to the side of the door, looked in quietly and then went in by himself.

"Hey, tall, dark and treacherous!" Harmony said as she taunted the amazed Spike.  "I've got something I think you want!"

"Give me them and get the hell out of here!" yelled Spike.

Dawn, hearing Spike's cry, rushed in and dropped her bundles and her would-have-been snack.  "I said get well back, Dawn!  I mean it!"

Is she your current girlfriend, Spike Man?  You're really robbing the cradle now, I'd say" taunted Harmony.

Dawn, reacting instantly to the insult and also to help Spike, rushed towards Harmony and kicked her in the shin with her spiked heel.

"Owwwww!" screamed Harmony as she spat out her chewing gum involuntarily.

"I'll get you for this, you little..."

Throwing the documents and the photograph to the ground, Harmony hobbled towards Dawn who wasn't through with her assault by any means.

Harmony grabbed Dawn in a choke-hold but not for long.  Spike charged towards  Harmony and punched her in the face.  Dawn used the moment to retrench while Spike threw Harmony into a wall.

Harmony pursued Spike in spite of the damage and struck him in the head with a flying kick.

Spike grabbed a chair and smashed it on top of Harmony's head.  He struck her with a flying kick of his own and she crumpled to the ground.  She was immobile except for the side-to-side motion she was trying to make with her head to regain some sort of composure.

Dawn, fully recovered from her ordeal, raced towards Harmony and grabbed her by the hair.  So much for the daisy...it was crushed as soon as it was knocked off Harmony's head as her body was dragged over it.

Dawn started to drag her by the hair all the way from the middle of the room to the doorway; and she exhibited immense strength and determination in doing so.  She was strong of will as of body.  She wasn't "little" in any regard; and she wanted her enemy to know it full well.

Spike, quickly surveying the entire area, suddenly lurched for the pretzel-on-a-stick.  He grabbed it and rushed over to Harmony who was still being dragged by Dawn.

"Are you hungry, love?" asked Spike.

Harmony turned her head incomprehensibly toward Spike and in an instant Spike thrust the pretzel-on-a-stick into her mouth.

"Ahhhh!! Water! Where's the water?!" screamed Harmony.  Dawn let go of her hair; and Harmony spat out the snack and raced furiously around the room.

"Try Lake Sunnydale, mate!" yelled Spike contemptuously.  "You never did like hot sauce, did you? Just one of the minor yet telling details of our would-be lasting romance!"

Then, lowering his voice and changing his tone, Spike said, "Isn't that a waste of a good snack, Little Bit?"

"Heee hee hee hee hee!" laughed Dawn uncontrollably, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together.

As the would-be Flower Child raced out of the lair, Spike said "C'mon...let's you and me go back to the mall. Just leave your bundles here for now. We'll get some more pretzels, eh?  In fact, let's bring one back for Buffy.  She likes things hot, I'm sure!"

"Be nice, Spike!" remonstrated Dawn good-naturedly.

The pair locked the front door behind them as they walked arm-in-arm to Sunnydale Mall and to the kiosk that sold pretzels-on-a-stick.

By Les